| How many times have you heard of empty | | | | book about the real story of step families and |
| nesters, be they divorced or widowed, falling in | | | | adult children. |
| love and marrying and thinking to yourself, "how | | | | Grace and Jean have identified five common |
| wonderful and how perfect?" After raising a | | | | anger issues, called the Five Furies, that |
| family, it's now their chance to experience the | | | | surprisingly, both the parental couple and adult |
| happily-ever-after relationship, where they can | | | | children share. Although these widespread fears |
| focus exclusively on each other and nurture their | | | | and concerns are important factors in stepparent |
| marriage without having to deal with raising each | | | | relationships, there are differing viewpoints about |
| other's kids. | | | | who causes the problems. |
| Younger single parents who remarry face the | | | | 1. Fear of Abandonment and Isolation. The fear of |
| common blended family stressors of co-parenting | | | | losing a relationship that depends on for emotional |
| responsibilities, transitioning kids, dual family | | | | and/or financial support. |
| budgets, step-sibling rivalry, and ex-spouse | | | | 2. Fidelity to Family. Worry about changes in |
| conflicts, all of which dilute the energy of the adult | | | | loyalty, especially when members of the original |
| relationship, and leave little chance for the couple | | | | family worry that the parent will lose his or her |
| to focus on each other. | | | | old loyalty after remarriage, when stepchildren |
| In fact, most step family literature is | | | | feel the new spouse's children have too much |
| concentrated on younger step families because | | | | influence, or when either spouse feels there is too |
| it's assumed older second families avoid the | | | | much loyalty to the old family. |
| normal blended family challenges and are perfectly | | | | 3. Favoritism. Worry about who is number one in |
| poised to focus on each other and enjoy healthy | | | | each family and whose wishes are given top |
| extended blended family relationships that only | | | | priority. |
| add to their combined happiness. It sounds too | | | | 4. Finances. Fear among adult children that they |
| good to be true, and usually, it is. | | | | may lose money or property that they were |
| In their groundbreaking book, Step Wars, Grace | | | | hoping to receive, and for parents, the notion that |
| Gabe, M.D. and Jean Lipman-Blumen, Ph.D. detail | | | | their adult children are more concerned about their |
| the interesting and unique dynamics of the adult | | | | inheritance than about the parent. |
| step family. After analyzing in-depth interviews | | | | 5. Focus on Self to the Exclusion of Others. Anger |
| and focus groups among a representative cross | | | | that a parent or an adult child is concerned only |
| section of remarried parents and their adult | | | | about her or himself and no longer cares about |
| children, the authors have written the definitive | | | | others. |