| You are flying without wings. You have spring in | | | | joyous, but let each one of you be alone. Stand |
| your steps; there is a silly, secret smile on your | | | | together, yet not too near together... for the |
| lips that refuses to go away. You even smile at | | | | pillars of the temple stand apart, and the oak tree |
| strangers. You sing and hum to yourself, at every | | | | and the cypress grow not in each other's |
| hour, or even minute. You dream at | | | | shadow." |
| daytime...listen to love songs. | | | | Love is not growing in each other's shadow. True |
| You make sure that every single patch of your | | | | respect for a relationship comes only when you |
| skin is glowing, all the unwanted hair is removed, | | | | learn and 'want' to give personal space to another. |
| the hair is treated to a new tint, or perhaps a | | | | If you want your partner to relinquish all their |
| new haircut. You buy new perfume; your | | | | former activities and hobbies for you, give you an |
| wardrobe is updated with sexier clothes. You buy | | | | account of every single moment of their |
| pretty lingerie. You feel soft, smooth and beautiful. | | | | whereabouts, and put them under a scanner |
| You smell divine. You are on top of the world. | | | | whenever they are away from you, then it is |
| You are in love. | | | | clear messages that you do not find them trust |
| Oh, yes... it feels good to be in love. It also wakes | | | | worthy. And trust is a prerequisite for love. No |
| us up to many wonderful facets of our own | | | | love can be worth having if there is no respect |
| selves. We also want the loved one to be 'The | | | | and trust in it. |
| One'. We want it to last forever. But quite often | | | | Short-lived euphoria |
| than not, what seemed like 'Forever' turns out to | | | | The display of possessiveness and jealousy is |
| be something transitory, and we are left with a | | | | often mistaken for great love. Initially it makes a |
| broken heart, non-stop tears, bitter feelings and | | | | person feel desired and wanted, when the partner |
| lingering pain. Relationships do not come with a | | | | expresses possessive feelings. But the euphoria |
| guarantee or an expiry date, but it is still better to | | | | wears off when it turns into tenacious claws, that |
| read the fine prints, before one plunges deeper | | | | never seem to let go and the one who is at the |
| into the quagmire of illusions. | | | | receiving end starts to feel the pressures and the |
| Before doing the next best thing, like walking into | | | | suffocation. I am all for the feelings of |
| a marriage counselor's office we must consider | | | | possessiveness in a relationship. It is very |
| few factors to make it a long lasting love affair. | | | | endearing, and makes one feel cosseted, but only |
| Let us see what makes it such an absolute and | | | | if it is in little homeopathic doses. And the line |
| wholesome feeling, along with the twists, turns, | | | | between extreme and moderate is very thin. It |
| the various blocks and the statutory warnings. | | | | requires a great deal of effort and finesse to |
| The glorious beginnings... | | | | maintain the balance. It also says a lot about your |
| First, you lock gazes. Then comes a tentative | | | | own levels of self esteem. So, when they say |
| flirtation, a bit timid and unsure, but as you get | | | | that you must be complete in your own self |
| positive hints, you start to feel an electric | | | | before you look out for a deep relationship with |
| connection that graduates to an overwhelming | | | | another person , then this is what it means. Never |
| sense of belongingness and finally a deeper bond | | | | try to fill your emptiness with another person. |
| that feels like you have finally arrived at your | | | | Your demands will make them walk away or be |
| destination. They say that love often happens | | | | very miserable, if they still live with you. Both the |
| when you are least expecting it, or with someone | | | | situations are not a loving one. |
| whom you first did not consider as the love | | | | Past is tense...present is what you have |
| material. Sometimes it happens at the first sight. | | | | You may think that you were born for each |
| Zing...goes your heart! ---(Yes, love at first sight | | | | other, when you finally find each other along life's |
| does happen ) | | | | thorny paths, but the fact remains that your |
| Sometimes it takes time to grow, and one fine | | | | partner would have had someone in their life |
| day you realise that, you are in love with | | | | before you came along. They would have loved |
| someone you have been interacting with over a | | | | someone else too, and have thought at that time |
| time. Nevertheless, the beginning is always magical. | | | | to make it last. Maybe it wasn't that strong as it |
| It is full of joys, pleasures, little miracles and a | | | | is with you, but still it was at one point of time, an |
| sensual foggy headed feeling rushing around in the | | | | important relationship. Never, never try to drag |
| mind all the time. Though turning it into something | | | | that part of their lives into your discussions and |
| truly lasting is not easy. | | | | arguments. If they have revealed some |
| The bumpy ride | | | | vulnerable feelings regarding that old flame, then |
| Did someone tell you that love is easy? True love | | | | never make a mockery of it in your less decent |
| is not easy, and it never was. Contrary to what | | | | moments. It will kill the beauty of your own |
| we believe, it does not really 'Happen.' If you want | | | | relationship with them; maybe even fill them with |
| to keep the glorious love, that you have finally | | | | revulsion about you as a person. You may lose |
| found, then you have to constantly work on it, as | | | | that love sooner than it was meant to be. |
| its ways are hard and steep. The works comes | | | | Listening...sharing ...and caring |
| from your own set of values, the true exploration | | | | Yes. Love is about all this and much more. But, do |
| of your own self, and believe me; pheromones | | | | you have to turn your partner into a Shrink, |
| play just an infinitesimal part in it. | | | | every time you are in a relationship? Your partner |
| Me and You. | | | | is not the human equivalent of a trampoline, |
| Know yourself first before you try to know the | | | | guaranteed to offer a safe landing and bounce |
| other person. If you do not have a strong bond | | | | you back up whenever you are down. Offloading |
| with your own self, then you will smother the | | | | your past traumas, and self disclosure should be |
| other person with your exacting expectations and | | | | on a mutually sharing basis, not a one sided affair |
| kill the love too. Never look for another person to | | | | where one of you has to be strong always, while |
| fill any void in your life. Two halves will always fall | | | | the other is always leaning, clinging and complaining. |
| apart into two halves, and remain so all their lives. | | | | Both of you must be sensitive to each other's |
| Bring completeness to a relationship by a strong | | | | need about sharing the past hurts and old |
| dose of individuality. | | | | wounds, if you must. Listen to your partner with |
| The definition- Not | | | | your heart and your eyes, and not just with ears, |
| Never define love. Simply put, you feel that | | | | when they are sharing wounded feelings with you. |
| special emotion with a special person who has | | | | Nothing remains constant |
| entered your life on one special day. AND, it may | | | | Feelings are not meant to be consistent. It goes |
| not always be happy. There might be some | | | | up and down. Be prepared that some days your |
| disappointments, broken illusions and few myths | | | | partner would be in a less loving mood, less |
| that would be subtly broken as you go further in | | | | demonstrative and even appear aloof. Even if last |
| your relationship. So, never try to define a close | | | | night was such that the neighbours had a hard |
| relationship with some silly notions, and the 'happily | | | | time sleeping, while you made love. The next |
| ever after' ideas of fairy tales you have grown | | | | morning they may seek a little distance from you. |
| up with. | | | | Your first reaction would be irrational thoughts |
| Learn to accept love the way you feel it, and | | | | about him cooling off, because he has suddenly |
| give it ...TIME. | | | | discovered something off putting about you, or |
| Give until it hurts...until it hurts no more | | | | his former girlfriend has called, or worse, he is |
| You have to give, and give a lot. Be ready to not | | | | suddenly missing her. Resist from getting into such |
| receive as much initially, because true love has no | | | | modes of panic. Love does not die overnight. |
| barter system. You will reap the real benefits | | | | There might be a number of reasons for the |
| much later and more magnificently, believe me. | | | | reticent mood of your partner, rather than, just |
| Reveal your inner self freely in love. You must | | | | you. And, if the inconsistency and distance is from |
| disclose your weaknesses, hopes, dreams, | | | | your side, then always remember to make up for |
| conflicts, insecurities, and loneliness to the one you | | | | it later. |
| love, because it gives the message loud and clear | | | | Quit playing games |
| that you trust your partner implicitly. | | | | Mind games. Ego clashes. These come under |
| Self-disclosure is that rich, fertile soil that will | | | | dishonesty in a relationship. Most of the times, |
| provide the most productive ground for you, to | | | | when we feel hurt by something our partner has |
| garner deeper intimacy in your relationship later. | | | | said or done, we resort to withholding our love |
| We often try to hide ourselves, being miserly with | | | | and slip into cold silences. Sometimes we are |
| our expressions and words because we are | | | | tempted to hurt back and resurrect our egos. At |
| scared of getting hurt. Of not being accepted, | | | | times it backfires as the ego is not easily |
| reciprocated. Of feeling vulnerable after the | | | | satisfied, and evokes defensiveness in your |
| revelation. But, if you can not trust the other | | | | partner that can lead to further conflicts. Honesty |
| person to accept you just as you are, then what | | | | in relationship is in other words, being without ego. |
| are they doing in your life? Take the risk. It will | | | | Be authentic with each other. Have fair fights. |
| serve two purposes. Firstly, it will give you a | | | | Silent faith |
| feeling of complete acceptance, and secondly, it | | | | At times, you may feel that some part of you is |
| will win the trust of the one you love. | | | | feeling at odds with your partner. Such times call |
| The timing | | | | for compassion and silence. It may not be fully |
| Some of us have no sense of the timing in us. | | | | honest, but it would enrich the integrity of your |
| We often talk about deep feelings when the other | | | | relationship. And you will realise over the period, |
| person is not in the right frame of mind, and feel | | | | that every time you are non-confronting, you |
| let down when we don't get desired responses. | | | | have affirmed your faith with one other. This |
| When you are truly in love, you feel your | | | | does not mean that you should not speak about |
| partner's mood, their reluctance or their readiness | | | | your hurts and disapprovals. You must, but |
| for a frank talk. If you chose to ignore or fail to | | | | without defensiveness and harsh words. |
| notice it, then perhaps you still lack the maturity | | | | The power of words |
| required for building up a true relationship. There is | | | | Words have great powers to affect a person. |
| a time and place for everything. Time to talk, | | | | Remember those three sacred words that |
| time to keep shut. Time to come close and time | | | | brought such joys to your heart - 'I Love You'. |
| to withdraw. Demanding an answer to how much | | | | When you say these three words, always mean |
| they love you, just when they have got a 'pink | | | | it! |
| slip' from their work place, is not the right time. | | | | When you say 'I Am Sorry.' Always look your |
| No matter how needy you are feeling. | | | | partner in the eye. Also remember, that at times |
| Space...space...more space | | | | Silence is the best answer. Know the difference. |
| My favourite word....Space. I am partial to it. There | | | | Parting wisdom |
| has to be breathing spaces between the two of | | | | Remember that great love and great |
| you, if you want your relationship to remain | | | | achievements involve great risk. Take the risk. It |
| healthy and happy. | | | | always enriches your life, no matter what the |
| Kahlil Gibran wrote in The Prophet-"Let there be | | | | outcome.Let me affirm here that you are lucky if |
| spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of | | | | you have found someone who can bring you joy |
| the heavens dance between you. Love one | | | | in this callous world, and in the face of all the |
| another, but make not a bond of love; let it | | | | horrors of living. You are most lucky indeed, if |
| rather be a moving sea between the shores of | | | | you can Love. |
| your souls. Sing and dance together and be | | | | |